The Spotlight

I tried out for the high school dance team my sophomore year. A friend of mine on the dance team agreed to choreograph a try-out routine. She worked tirelessly going over simple dance steps time and time again. I spent hours upon hours in her basement while she patiently waited for me to "get it". My friend was too nice to tell me that I was not getting it. Instead, she drew pictures (!) of the routine for me to study. A few weeks later after waiting in the wings for my turn onstage, I stumbled and stomped my way through what in the hands and feet of a more talented and coordinated person, would have been an impressive performance. Before the second step-ball-change, the flashbacks of a similar humiliation in grade school flooded my brain.

The girls in my fifth grade class were all a part of our cheerleading squad. We would practice our cheers to recite along the sidelines at the boys' basketball games as well as practice a routine to perform at halftime. I clearly remembered coming to practice after a few days of being out sick from school. I was made to perform the halftime routine by myself in front of the entire group to make sure I "got it" since I missed the last two practices. My palms became sweaty and my eyes filled with tears. I remember being filled with shame and embarrassment when I couldn't get it right.

It was clear that I had forgotten that little bout of humiliation in fifth grade and so 5 years later I set off to do it again. It was after that second round of failure and embarrassment that I finally realized that my talents lie elsewhere - somewhere far, far away. I focused my time on athletics; more specifically, running. I enjoyed it because a) I was pretty good at it and b) it was not performed on-stage. While coordination was not my strong suit, I had just enough to play basketball - it seemed only natural considering my height. But running was where I was most comfortable. I made it a point to avoid the spotlight whenever possible - and so my choice of events was no accident because really, who watches the two mile anyway?

One of the local dance studios here performs two recitals each year with its students: one at Christmas and one at the end of the school year and I try to attend them each year. There are numerous televisions show that focus on dancing that get recorded every week so that I don't miss one. A friend of mine is a member of a ballet company that performs, among others, a Nutcracker performance every year that is a joy to watch. I follow these because they are good at it and they are on stage. I sit along the sidelines, enjoying the show and being relieved that I'm only watching.