Waiting For a Reset

The "What if...." and "If only...." conversations with myself had finally stopped popping up anytime I would see a cute stroller or a Pottery Barn Kids storefront. And then I watched Away We Go. It's a good movie. And funny. Until the soul-crushing moment that this was spoken:

"....I wonder if we've been selfish. People like us we wait till our thirties and then we're surprised when the babies aren't so easy to make anymore and then every day another million fourteen year olds get pregnant without trying. It's a terrible feeling...."

And that is why I am at work today looking like I've gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson (pre-ear-biting days of course). My eyes, all puffy and red, still fill with tears when I dare to let my mind do anything other than read through lines of code and write user manuals.

It's days like these that make it hard to believe that it ever will be any easier. When the tears dry, I will reset my "Days Without A Breakdown..." counter back to zero and start again.