Slow Your Roll

My birthdays have begun to arrive with ever-increasing frequency. I always wanted them to come quickly - I could hardly age fast enough. I wanted to hurry up and graduate from high school so I could hurry up and graduate college so I could hurry up and get married so I could hurry up and have kids. And yet that's not how it happened.

Some changes in my grand plan were in my hands. (I am much happier with a career in technology than I ever would have been in elementary education.) And others were out of my hands. (When I finally decided that I did indeed want to have children, it was not to be.) And yet I am the person I am today because of those fractures in my lifetime map.

So what lies ahead? I have no idea. I can make choices that can determine it somewhat, but my future is still laid out in front of me in a shroud of mystery. I know it's vastly different than I imagined it 20 years ago. So I have stopped trying to predict it and started to enjoy the ride.

All I ask is that the speed limit be reduced.

Oh Miss Manners, Wherefore Art Thou?

Whatever happened to manners? Was there a cataclysmic event that erased the lessons learned from our mothers and kindergarten teachers? Maybe we just all need a bit of a refresher course? Here is a by-no-means-complete list of 10 basic manners that can be found on any grade school wall:

1. Don't interrupt. I'm speaking therefore you're not. When I'm done speaking you may be able to do so. (Once you've mastered that task, try listening to what I'm saying while I'm speaking instead of building the response to what you could not have possibly just absorbed in any way shape or form because you were too busy formulating said response.) When I say something that fires you up, if the situation allows, please take your time while explaining to me why you disagree. (Please refer to #10 for more explanation.) If the venue is not one where you are able to air your differences, keep your mouth shut.
   
2. Don't call names. Does this require an explanation? *sigh* Why should you not call names? Because it's not nice and could hurt someone's feelings.
   
3. Always greet people properly. Handshake, eye contact, clear speech. Simple enough even for those of us that are socially inept.
   
4. Say "Please" and "Thank you". If someone gives you something, "Thank you". If you want something, "Please". Let's go a step further: Would you say it in front of your mother? If not, go ahead and substitute: fiddlesticks, heck, gosh, dang...you're catching my drift right?
   
5. Clean up after yourself. Case in point: Clean up your water mess all over the bathroom sink so that I don't leave the restroom looking like I should be investing in some Depends.
   
6. Maintain good sportsmanship. Line judges, referees, officials of all sorts are just doing their job to the best of their abilities. It doesn't matter if you are playing in an Open or pretending you are 20 years younger than you really are in your rec league softball games...you play the game. You shake the hands of the opponents after the game. You refrain from yelling at the officials. You refrain from throwing punches at the opposition.
   
7. Take compliments courteously. A thank you will suffice. Avoid protests it only makes you seem disingenuous.
   
8. Entering/exiting manners. Hold the door open for someone entering behind you. Let those people exiting an elevator off first. When you're driving in the car, and people are trying to cross the street/parking lot/wherever...let them go first, especially if the weather is bad.
   
9. Perform proper table manners. Elbows off the table - I still wait for a backhand to knock my elbows off the table 30 years after the first time it happened. I don't know why this is a rule, it just is...so comply. Chew with your mouth shut, don't slurp, don't reach, don't shovel.
   
10. Last but not least: respect differences. Why is this one so difficult? It is the absence of this fundamental manner that leads to many of the lapses in the rest. Just because you disagree with me does not make you right or me wrong. Deal with it.
    

I have had (and continue to have) my fair share of moments defiling this list and I won't go into details (in this post anyway). These are pretty standard rules of etiquette - even my dogs were supposed to learn some of them. Maisie has become very adept at her greeting and entering/exiting manners. Paulie has excellent table manners. Even Indy is more than willing to accept any praise lavished upon him.

In the eternal words of Miss Manners herself: "...if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you...."

*cation

My Vocabulary Lesson:

Staycation: Taking time off of work but not leaving the general vicinity of your home. Activities include: sleeping in, eating too much, surfing the couch and cable channels, maybe the occasional day-trip to towns nearby. Most likely taken for dentist appointments and doctor's appointments. Laptops and/or blackberrys are nearby and the risk to work is high.

Vacation: Taking time off of work and leaving the area. The Out of Office Assistant is turned on to direct all inquiries to someone else for the time being. These breaks are almost always out of the country ("Sorry, no cell service/internet connection/sobriety!") and are always too few and far between. Coming back from these feeling relaxed, recharged and sometimes hungover is a given.

Oblication: Weddings, funerals, births, graduations, milestone birthdays...etc. The key to feeling relaxed after these trips are to set aside at least a small amount of time to do something that is not obligatory: a night out with long-lost friends, meals at your favorite restaurants and naps!