The Career Chronicles Pt. 2

I have a friend that is a deeply spiritual woman. She once talked me into getting my palm read at a holistic fair. The reading was fun and there were some things that made me perk up and listen a little closer. The part that I've had a lot of fun with was the letter "M" on my right palm. She said that I can manifest my own destiny. She used the example that I almost always find a parking spot at the front of the store when I want one. I didn't think much of it until I explained the reading to my friend Karen on our way to get coffee one morning. The weather was foul and the parking lot was full. I bemoaned our sure fate of sloshing through the parking lot when lo and behold, someone pulled out of the spot front and center. Rock star parking was ours! Now I don't always wish for these parking spots, but when I do I almost always get them.

So when my career crisis recently started in earnest, I experienced a floundering feeling that was new and alarming. I had no idea what to do. I called my friend and asked her for the name of her spiritual guide that we had talked about a while back. I made an appointment for a Tarot Card reading. Now, I was raised Catholic and now a sometime non-denominational Christian as an adult. I find church to be cathartic when faced with various troubling times and sometimes just to feel a part of something bigger. So this was definitely something new for me and I admit I was a bit skeptical (and remain so today).

The reading was about 45 minutes long. We talked about past lives (seriously) and my current situation. She turned over a pregnancy card and I thought I had her; I was certain she was going to tell me I was pregnant. I planned to point at her and yell "HA!", then walk out and call it all rubbish; she didn't. Instead she told me that it was related to my career. The most important thing that came up was when she read my present card as well as my aura (no, really). She said that I am free to choose who I am and who I want to be. I have the ability to...wait for it....manifest my own destiny. (I've wondered since if this is a stock phrase for these folks?) I also needed to take care of myself; set boundaries and do what's best for me. She suggested that I start "vision boarding" my hopes and dreams so that I can make them my reality.

I haven't started carrying around crystals (yet) or made any standing appointments. However I did take away something very important from that reading: confidence. I realized that I had been torn down; constantly second guessing myself and doubting my decisions. I can manifest my own destiny, whether at work or in my personal life. I've been looking into vision boarding and found a lot of helpful articles on how to do it. The trouble I had at first was defining my vision. What in the world do I want to be when I grow up? There is, in fact, a vision board for just that. I'm going to spend a great deal of time deciding what I am passionate about; finding my niche and doing what I love.

I was told at the reading: Find what I love to do and when the time is right, the universe will provide!

The Career Chronicles Pt. 1

It has been no secret to those that have been listening to my incessant whining about my career lately that I feel I have stalled professionally. Up until two and a half years ago, I would have been fine with packing up all of my cables, disks and various nerdery and staying home with the handful of kids (ok, just two) that I wanted to have. I find it much more difficult to justify being a stay at home mom to two doxie children when I'm still paying Sallie Mae a ridiculous sum of money each month and there are no prospects of two-footed children padding around the house. I decided a year ago to throw myself fully into being a long-term super nerd (like my dear husband).

But really, who am I kidding? I work in IT because Sallie Mae's continual bitching (read: monthly statement) makes me feel guilty if I even so much as browse a college curriculum catalog. So IT it is. But always in the back of my mind there is a little voice that says "Don't do it. There is more out there for you...you aren't tied to anything!"

Recently I've been going through a rough patch at work. I have been fiercely loyal to my employer and felt that I have always done the right thing for the company. When asked for reciprocity my employer balked. I know that business is business; I just don't always see it that way and so I take things personally. So now, when faced with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt and betrayal I wonder if sticking it out is really the best thing for either party? I also wonder when will I stop caring about what's best for them?? I am all too aware that I hold a mean grudge. Is this something I can get over? I don't know.

And so I do what a lot of people facing looming unemployment in this awful economy do: I feel overwhelmed and desperate. I pray. I wonder if my husband is as nervous as I am even though he won't even bat an eye. I cry. I take medication to deal with the building anxiety. But I am a smart woman that knows she needs to have a plan. So I'm going to give myself a set number of days (I don't know the number yet...2? 7? 30?) to wallow in self-pity, anger and depression. Then I'm going to get real about what I do from here and make it all about what's right for me.